During this time last year, I was at Gold Coast having a vacation with my family. Also, I would be at my apartment lounging by the balcony watching the waves, crowd having a jolly time and of course, FIREWORKS! Only my parents went out, my sister and I just sit at the apartment. I was dead beat after all the fun I had. I wish I was back there or anywhere overseas. It's so much than here honestly. Oh well, maybe next year? InsyaAllah.

In a couple of hours, 2011 no more. It's a new year. So happy new year to everyone! May next year be a better year for me. Graduation ...new job ...?? Moga dimakbulkan, insyaAllah.

Let's embrace the end of the year with reflection of the things we have achieved this year and hope for a better, fabulous one next year.

This year have been wonderful even with the challenges I faced each day.

Next year I hope to graduate with honors. I have final exam and internship to face head on before I graduate. Give me strength, Allah!

Gastric oh gastric. Will you please go away? You already attacked my stomach twice in a month until I got all sickly and tired from all the puking and awful pain.

Procrastination is like a credit card. It is a lot of fun until you get the bill! Damn. I gotta start doing my assignments.

The other day, I put Amy to sleep. I tried rocking her to sleep and sing because normally it works for Farhan. But not Amy. She loved stories. Not the Princess and her knight in shining armour, happily ever after stories but real ones. Like what you did yesterday, today. It was awkward as hell. I stuttered a lot in my talk. When it comes to telling stories with her, I just go blank. Normally I can talk a person's ear off. Gosh it was so embarrassing. Why can't she be normal babies like Farhan and Hannah?

http://alialala.blogspot.com ----to---- http://boredomandcompleterandomness.blogspot.com/

I might change it again.

There's a saying where if you love something, let it go. If it's meant to be, it will come back. What if it doesn't come back? Guess it's not meant to be.

Have you ever truly love something and you let it go? I did. I was a coward. I love my heart more than I love him. I was so afraid to get my heart broken. Although my heart was broken enough to watch his happiness. I've witnessed what love can do to you. It's a horrible sight. Not to mention crazy. I just don't want to be that person. I don't trust myself enough.

The only comfort I found out of this situation was that he liked me back. That's all that matters. Even for a little while. At least at one point he does. I was the idiot who said no no matter how many times he asked at the time.

Earlier my cousin sent me a message. She asked me to download a song from Adele - Someone Like You. She said, the song reminds her of me. And it fits. Except, I do not want to witness his happiness or being reminded of him. That part in my life is over. Done. Locked away.

Meredith : There's a reason I said I'd be happy alone. It wasn't because I thought I would be happy alone. It was because I thought if I loved someone and then it fell apart, I might not make it. It's easier to be alone. Because what if you learn that you need love? And then you don't have it. What if you like it? And lean on it? What if you shape your life around it? And then it falls apart? Can you even survive that kind of pain? Losing love is like organ damage. It's like dying. The only difference is, death ends. This? It could go on forever.

Self-worth, say hello to your new home – 'rock bottom'. Get comfortable, it may be a long stay.

I got into Dean’s list for my fifth semester. Can you believe that? ME! I was so damn proud of myself. Of course I didn’t get 4.0 GPA but at least it’s above 3.5 GPA. All the sleepless nights doing countless assignments, getting all stressed out with presentations and assignments was all paid off. My fifth semester was my busiest and stressful semester. Let’s just hope by the end of my final semester, I will get higher than 3.5 CGPA. Jia you~

I am currently bored out of my mind. I only have two classes which is on Wednesday and Saturday. I was so used to busy schedule and now?? What am I supposed to do? Play with the kids la. Apa lagi. Ohhh and also main Cityville. Talking about kids, my cousin and her family are living here for the past two weeks because of renovation at their house. They promised 3-4 days, nampak sangat cakap keling. Minor renovation la sangat. The first week was horrible. I have to literally watch their every move. The kids were a bit out of control and always wanting to go upstairs. It was driving me crazy because they like to jump around and touching people's stuff. There was one time, one of the kids turned on Mama's sauna. What if her hand got burned or something? This is not the first 'act' that had me wishing I could strangle them. After awhile, I got used to them. Even starting to like them ..again. There was one thing that I really tak puas hati. You promised 3-4 days that basically translated 1 week. That's what Mama thought la. Then it got to second week. They didn't even ask for permission. They just assumed things. Come on la wei ..tak malu ke? Today already counted as two weeks and still no sign of moving out. Her kids didn't attend school, tak risau ke? I just don't like the fact that they took advantage of Mama. Ingat ni rumah tumpangan ke?

Okay, enough of the angry, whiny part. Moving on to the happier part. Last week, Mama took the day off. My parents picked me up from college and off we went to ...few other places. It was so much fun hanging out with my parents. We laugh, we talk (yang paling pot pet - ME), we argue …basically WE without my sister. Hahaha *evil laugh* Seronok jadi anak tunggal for the day. That day also was the day Mama bought me my new toy, ICONIA Tab. Originally I wanted Ipad2 but had to wait for 3-4 weeks. Malas la. Besides, this one doesn't look so bad :)

I am so NOT looking forward to that particular trip. It's not like I get along with them. In fact most of them seem very fake. Or is it me?

The food prices in Malaysia are frustratingly high! Sometimes the food is not even good, totally not worth the money.

Anyway, I've been getting headaches literally every single day. Sometimes its bearable, sometimes its worse until my vision was blurry. Finally went to the doctor yesterday. Couldn't stand my Mom's nagging. I hate going there, seriously! She said it was probably because of the heat. Yeah right. Takkan la sampai hari-hari kot. Bukannya berjemur kat tengah panas pun. We'll see after a few days. If not, Mama said have to do checkups at the hospital complete with MRI. God I hope not! Rasa macam masuk kubur. Scary mary!

It's like pouring lemon juice on open wounds.

To be honest, I am very pissed off and hurt for what she did to me. Or rather they but more specifically her. Okay I am not making any sense. My thoughts and feelings are all jumbled up.

I just ...well I wish I could take it back. I wish I said no. NO to everything. So I don't have to feel this awful feeling right now.

You gave me hope ..supposedly everything was arranged and then suddenly ..?? Poof ..nothing. Zilch. Nada.

I fell down the stairs. It was raining and the floor was wet. I guess I wasn't careful enough, so the result? Fell down the freakin' stairs. I had bruises on my left arm. It was painful! Next time have to take extra care when walking down the stairs or anywhere that has wet floors.

Don't start searching for something bad in something good. Start searching for something good in everything bad.

Yes Allah, clear up all my negative thoughts. I do not want to live in hatred and other negative feelings.

Why do people love picking out my faults and magnifies them?

I so did not expect to see him today but I did. And I'm very happy :DD

I had a fabulous time last Sunday. In fact, the whole weekend was fantabulous! Spending time with my family is always the best. Pak Tam and Mak Tam came down to KL and stayed a few days at my house. Even my cousins. That means, Hafsham mini gathering. Even though everyone was busy but we managed to take time off and just enjoy spending time with the rest.

The most memorable was the trip to Bird Park. That particular day was Kak Nina's birthday. Birthday girl decided to spend the day at Bird Park because Amy has never been there before. I love going there and see all the colourful birds. There's only one part that I hate - weather. Damn HOT and HUMID! I cannot stand it! But what to do ...Malaysian weather memang macam ni.

Nice huh? Proud as a peacock.


:-D


:-D


When Pak Tam and Mak Tam was here.


Ayah's birthday dinner.


Family is ♥♥♥♥

When I'm feeling low ...I listen to this song. It describes exactly what I'm feeling. Sometimes I cry, just to let it all out. I feel better after that, somewhat.

Get It Right - Rachel (GLEE)

What have I done? I wish I could run
Away from this ship goin' under
Just tryin' to help, hurt everyone else
Now I feel the weight of the world is
On my shoulders
What can you do when your good isn't good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
'Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow
But how many it times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take for me?
To get it right
To get it ri-igh-ight
Can I start again with my faith shaken?
'Cause I can't go back and undo this
I just have to stay and face my mistakes
But if I get stronger and wiser
I'll get through thisWhat can you do when your good isn't good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down
'Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow
But how many it times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take for me?
To get it right
To get it ri-igh-ight
So I throw up my fist
I will punch in the air
And accept the truth that sometimes life isn't fair
Yeah, I'll send out a wish
Yeah, I'll send up a prayer
And finally, someone will see
How much I care!
What can you do when your good isn't good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
'Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow
But how many it times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take for me?
To get it right
To get it ri-igh-ight

Dear stupid hair,

Hey stupid hair how’s it going? Having a lot of fun, I presume? What with all the breaking out you've been doing. I mean really do you have to grow so much and out of control like some kind of virus? I know we haven't been the best of friends. And I've fought you tooth and nail everytime you decided it's time for another batch of dandruffs especially dalam keadaan kemarau skang ni. Lagilah kau nak tumbuh dengan begitu banyak sekali! I really thought I had it under control because you no longer appear on my freakin’ hair. You must be happy watching me go crazy. I've slapped on almost every product available out there in the market for dandruff control. God knows how many chemicals I've smothered you in. But you would always win. I remember this one time I wanted to scrape you off so bad with my fingernails and I didn't wanna go out of the house. It was very frustrating and you make me very self-conscious. You must’ve been laughing your head off with glee every single freakin’ time I broke down! Damn you stupid hair. You are like chipsmore. Kejap ada kejap takda. I loathe you.

I closed my eyes but for some reason saw something else besides the darkness of my eyelids. A stranger in the abyss.

CUTE. ADORABLE. KAWAII.

I cried like a baby yesterday. I was literally sobbing! I finally couldn’t take it anymore and just broke down. It felt good to let it all out. At first I refused to cry, I actually managed to keep my tears at bay. But after that particular incident, I just cried and cried. I didn’t want anyone to find out about me crying but I guess my face said it all.

Despite everything, I’m glad to have my friends. Without them I would be a wreck. It’s nice to feel loved. I was really angry at her for her insensitive words, plagiarism, irresponsible, lazy and selfish attitude. Plus she had the cheek to be angry at me. WTH? I did most of the work for weeks while you were on the bloody phone/facebooking/read story books. Seriously?? I even had to bribe you with a ride home for you to stay to do the assignment with me. I guess I shouldn’t have done that. You were busy talking and reading. Remember, actions speaks louder than words. It's not only me who complained about you.

If it wasn’t for my friends I would have slap you in the face.

Italiannies Creme Brulee is to die for! Last weekend Mama and I went to Empire. She wanted to eat at Serai as usual but I said "Let's go to Italiannies". Of course her first reaction was a big fat NO. She's not a big fan of pasta but I managed to convinced her.

While Mama was looking through the menu and I was looking over her shoulder, I saw it. The "hard to find" creme brulee. I forced Mama to order it. All these while, I never bother to look through the dessert section because normally I was already full by then. But this time, full or not I want it! We shared our dessert. The minute she took the first bite and the next and next, she was practically moaning ..on every bite!! She told me next time no sharing. LOL. Macam-macam Mama ni. I have to admit, it was really delicious. So creamy and just ...sinfully delicious~

I have to write an essay about myself. 5 pages minimum. What the hell am I going to write?

I don't know how to start. If I know how to start I won't be here, whining and complaining. Please tell me how to start. Then where I shall start. Should I start here?

I was hoping my lecturer would prefer quality over quantity but nooo ...that's not going to happen. *sigh*

I am only on my third page. What can I write more about myself?

Since I always starred as a villain in many many many stories, I might as well be the REAL villain. That way the stories is true and not merely lies.

There are times when I feel so disconnected from the world, really uncomfortable in my own skin and kind of like I don't fit into this world. I feel incredibly numb and went through my days like a robot. Is it normal to feel like this?

On a happier note, I had the best time in Gold Coast. Beautiful beach, friendly people, great shopping malls/store. I want to go back there someday. Maybe visit New Zealand again too. I regretted not trying bungee jumping. I’m a scaredy cat, deathly afraid of heights but I need to face my fear.

Our place was right across the beach and in the heart of Surfer's Paradise. They even have laundry and kitchen which is good. Overall the apartment was relatively simple which suits us. We barely spend time in it anyway. The only downside thing was my sister and I have to sleep on the sofa bed because there was only one bedroom.

We even went to Brisbane for the whole day. Not much to do since it was raining. Some more it was on public holiday the town was practically deserted. But not in Surfer’s Paradise though. So many different people filled with couples and family enjoying their time.

Too bad we only went there for 5 days. There wasn’t enough time. The shops closed at 5pm, except for restaurants and pub. There were many places we didn’t get to go like Currumbin Wildlife Sanctuary, Dream World, etc etc.

What is the Secret of Success? Right Decisions. How do you make right Decisions? Experience. How do you get Experience? Wrong Decisions.