She looked so horrified. LOL.

I've been singing nursery rhymes for two days straight now. I lost count after ten times. Since it's been raining everyday my niece demanded me to sing this song complete with moves.

Rain rain go away
Come again another day
Little Hanis wants to play
Rain rain go away
Never show your face again.

Very tiring. Not to mention I always got thirsty. She's addicted to all the songs. I'm glad she's not here now. Hahaha jahatnya. But seriously. Nak ke nyanyi lagu yang sama hari-hari. Tak sanggup!

My back hurts. A lot. I've been having these awful pains on-off for the past month. Now it's getting worse and more frequent. Why? Alignment lari ke? LoL. When I told Mama, the only thing she said was "I told you to go to the doctor so many times. You wouldn't listen. Degil betul".
It was just that anything medical scared me. It reminded me too much of blood and needles.

One of the things that can take me away from reality is books. I practically drown myself in books. I let myself sink deep into them and live as the characters live. When I read books, I don't have to think about all the problems I have in life and all the pain and hurt I feel. I just think about the life of the character and how the main character always finds true love and always has a happily ever after. Of course I tell myself that its true that everyone has a happily ever after, everyone finds their own soul mates someday. But I know they don't. Not everyone finds there soul mate and not everyone has a happily ever after. My life is the perfect example of that. When I get sucked into a book my life is no more my life. I am the blond hair, blue eyed beauty, with the perfect long hair, the perfect sized chest and the long slender legs with a toned stomach. When I come out of my dream world, I hate the feeling of coming back to reality, to know that I am the girl that was ugly and still is, and I am the girl that was being called names because she was hideous. To know I will never have a perfect life, not that everyone's perfect or even a normal life, eats me up inside, the book finishes and I look at my reflection and see the dull black eyed dead black haired girl.

I still remember all those words they called me. Or how their faces looked like. All of those words cut really deep. I couldn’t help but believe them though. I mean who am I to say that loads of people are wrong and only one person which is me is right. It doesn’t work like that. After all I'm just a doormat. And a hideous one at that.


-- Forgive me for being so emotional. I just need to vent a little.

People talk. Say things behind your back
Like a two-faced pathetic backstabber they are
Some people love to run their mouths
All I hear is blah blah blah
Static in my ears. Blocking the things I don’t want to hear
The "oh my god did you know" or "the oh my god that’s so last year"
Superficial people with their nose in the air
They don’t even care
Gossip goes round and round in circle
But all I hear is blah blah blah.

A circle is round,
it has no end.
That's how long,
I will be your friend.

A fire burns bright,
it warms the heart.
We've been friends,
from the very start.

You have one hand,
I have the other.
Put them together,
We have each other.

I was browsing some videos in Youtube when I stumble upon this movie called Keith. The story is about a 17-year old girl named Natalie who thinks she has got life figured out until she meets Keith Zetterstrom who is her new chemistry lab partner. They didn't get along well at first but later on they became friends and eventually they fall for each other. Then she discovers that Keith is hiding a dark secret. Basically this is the male version of A Walk To Remember. It is so sad and tragic. I just wished that the ending could have been a little more detailed. And I love Elisabeth Harnois in that movie.

My hand stings. The birds leg grip my hand too hard. It was painful but worth it because I get to feed them.

--

The pipe in the kitchen just broke and water burst out of it and Ayah was standing right in front of it. I think he was washing his hands when it happened.

He was frantically calling for us. I rushed out my room and when I saw him I just burst out laughing. He was wet from head to toe. It was just so funny. Now the kitchen is all wet. My maid had to cleaned it all up.

I had to literally begged my parents to go to Hot Air Balloon fiesta in Putrajaya. They said they're too old for it. It took me awhile to pujuk them, last2 baru agreed because I told them Syaza's family is going to be there. So many people and it was so hot. I was sweating like hell. Mama complained a lot, panas la penat la. Pot pet la as usual. Hehehe. I was only there for the light show. Couldn't come earlier because Mama had an appointment. The show started late. Supposed to start at 8.30pm. There was even clowns there. Ugh, I hate clowns. And mascots. They freaked me out. Actually takda apa sangat pun. Bukannya terbang pun. Siang je boleh. So we just don't see the point to linger on any longer so we headed to Old White Coffee at Sunway for some late snack.

I'll post the pics later. I'm too lazy to upload. Sangat penat. Been out the whole day. Midnight baru balik.

Toodles~

I wish it wasn't just a one way street. I wish I wasn't the only one who needs to show the effort of keeping them, meaning friends and family close. I also wish they won't come to me only when trouble strikes them. Or when they needed my help which is often. Don't get me wrong I will still be there for you but it would be so nice to just want me because you missed me or you wanted to hang out etc.

I bought new tops from Nichii and Voir. I showed it to Mama and her first reaction was 'nak pindah next month boleh beli baju lagi' Sheesh Mama ni tak sporting betul.

I went to Pyramid with Nisa and Mazrina. After that we went to USJ4 for dinner. I got this sms from unknown number. I was a bit annoyed because I've been getting all this messages and I don't even know them. Their answers pun poyo and sarcastic. So Nisa decided to call the number and warned that person not to call me. Hehehehe. Garang betul dia dalam phone tadi. Macam singa ..eh musang ;) Hahahaha.

Sometimes

You wonder

If everything

Would be different

If

You had made

A different

Choice

Or taken

A different path

Would everything

Be

Different?

Who would you be

Who would your friends be

Who would your love be

Where would you be.

If you

Had made

A

Different choice

Or

Taken

A different path?

You wonder

If everything

Would be different

Sometimes.

If everything goes well, we will be officially moving out by next month. Our new house is located at Usj 4. Not far from our current house now. I haven't packed any of my stuff yet. I'm sad we're moving out because this has been my house for the past 20 years. Nak pegi everywhere semua dekat. Shopping malls, school, mamak stall, kopitiam, Mami's house, Kak Nina's house etc.

Anyway, teman Mama pegi tengok kitchen stuff. So far she likes the one yang kat ss18 because of the design and it's also reasonable price. After that we drop by Mami's house. I missed Amelia though I just saw her yesterday. That little niece of mine is growing more and more beautiful each day. I love playing with her. I'm a little bit disgusted with her droolings. Not only that, her hands also likes to wander. Hehehehe. If you know what I mean.

---

http://capturedbymilin.blogspot.com (I'm in love with her pictures. she captures the most beautiful mesmerizing pictures I've ever seen)

The way I see it, you can never be sure what someone has told you is the truth, unless you hear it from the horses mouth. Even then you can't always trust. You don’t know how many people the rumour has been through before it gets to you so you don’t know how many times the gossip has changed. Right now all I’m going to say is ....people aren’t always what they seem. Just because right in front of you someone seems kind and collected doesn’t mean that there like that behind closed doors. I should know.

What I did today :

- Send my cousin to the airport at 7am.
- Went to Kak Nina's house.
- Play with Amelia.
- Went to Sungai Buloh and bought a few things. She named her orchids after me. Pau-pau. Malu betul. Takde nama lain ke?
- After that we went to Kak Nina's house and relax a bit.
- I cut my hair again. hehehehehe :) actually trim jer.
- Picked up Mama at RHB. Had dinner at Parade. Hmm ..macam takde tempat lain. This week je dah berapa kali pegi!!

And now I'm finally at home. Okay, I'm off to dream land. Toodles.

I have been sad for the past couple of days. For silly reasons as always. I find that I can't really confide it with anyone.

Why?

Because they just don't care.

Earlier this morning I got a phone call from Azalea. She told me her sister just passed away. I'm not entirely sure how she died but from what I heard is because she couldn't breathe. It was so sad Azalea couldn't stop crying especially her mom. She got a bit hysterical after her daughter dikebumikan.

So ok, I'm going to take a nap now. I'll update more later.