We often dream that fairy tales were real. That the world is black and white and it starts in 'once upon a time' and ends in 'happily-ever-after'. That the good guys are honest and true and the bad guys are easily seen by their pointy horns and made-up stories. That there are prince charming and knights in shining armors who would always be there to save the day.

But as we grow older, we realize that they remain just like that- dreams. There are no happily-ever-afters. There is no prince charming, no knight in shining armor who will save you from falling.
Because the person you wish to catch you when you fall, is the person you can’t have.

I was a frequent victim of sleep paralysis.

I could be completely aware of my surroundings but not able to move a muscle.

She is so irritating. And she makes me so angry because she's being unfair and a little bit forgetful.

Did you know I got a zero for my 2nd assignment. A BLOODY ZERO. Can you believe that? I worked hard for it. I even send it on time unlike the others and they got full marks! She said she was going to deduct marks to those who send in late. Most of them hantar two weeks later. Mana aci!

What made me so angry was that, first she said I didn't passed up my assignment then when I argued back she said I got a zero because my literature review was not related with my research.
Arggghhh I feel like pulling my hairs out. Geram sangat-sangat dengan meriam ni! I had sent my assignment on time and masa class dia lagi! Depan mata dia hantar benda alah tu.

Dahlah ajar pun tah pape. Ramai student tak faham langsung apa dia ajar! Macam mana boleh jadi lecturer?

I forgot to bring my purse today. Luckily my sister have class at the same time with me. So dengan muka tak malunya mintak duit kat si nyonya tu. Thank God I realized it sooner. Kalau tak time nak bayar nanti takda duit. Malu je nanti. Hehehehe.

I slept in my parents room last night along with my sister. Mama slept in Mak tok's room downstairs. My dad told me he couldn't sleep because it was too quiet. LOL.

As for me, I woke up in a middle of the night and nearly freaked out because of the unfamiliar room. My dad switched off the light and I couldn't see anything.

Tomorrow I'm going to march right up to that rude RHB security guard and kicked his ugly ass. Just thinking of the incident earlier, make my blood boils. Takda manners ke apa? Beradab la sikit. Takda pelajaran ke apa? Oh riiiiight, memang takda pun sebab tu hang jadi security guard.

Sialan kau!

Okay I feel much better now. And a little bit guilty because I insulted him although not face to face but I might tomorrow. We'll see.

I went to Parade with Nisa today. When she called this morning, I just kept on ignoring it. But she was very insistent that she devil. Kept on calling and calling until I pick up. We had lunch and then just walk around Parade. I found the perfect handbag for my birthday. Gonna ask Mama to buy it for me. I bought shoes from Elo. I couldn't resist. Hehehe :)

I had fun going out but I feel very disconnected. We are not like before. She has her own life. Only come to me when she's bored or have no one to hang out with. Oh well, not the first time. She's done it before, so many times.

I had an awesome weekend.

Got to spend more time with Amelia. Both Saturday and Sunday :)

Took lots of pictures courtesy of Syaza.

Hugs, kisses, laughter, chit chat. Best!

I feel lonely. Everything just feels stagnant now.

Dry. Distant.

Sometimes, it’s all together emotionless. It scares me because I can’t explain any of them.

I can hear my parents laughing downstairs with their friends. I wonder what were they talking about that got them laughing so loud.

I got to see my childhood friends last weekend. Best!! I haven't seen them in so long except Syaza. Makcik tu dah selalu sangat nampak. Oopss, dia tau nanti marah plak. Hahaha.

That old hag! She's infuriatingly rude. Fickle minded. Macam-macam la lagi!

She annoys the hell out of me! I feel like ...ughhh can I kick her ass?

Yesterday we had a mini open house. Mama invited our family from JB/Batu Pahat and a few neighbors to our house. My maid cooked nasi tomato. Yummy. Too bad tak berapa lalu nak makan. Just ate a little bit.

It was so much fun. I haven't seen them in so long. Even Kak Nina drop by. Yay, got to see Amy2. After everyone went home, everyone took a short nap except me. Then off to Syaza's house. Stayed there until 9.30pm. As usual I'm the driver but on the way back home I had to stop by the road. My migrain was getting worse. I could see black spots and I feel queasy. Not good. So Ayah took over. Gosh my migrain is getting worse ever since last week, masa demam hari tu. Everytime ingat dah baik, nanti mesti sakit balik. Now pun rasa sikit2. I don't want to depend on medicine forever! What should I do?

I have been sick since last Friday. Doctor said it was viral fever. Normally if I have a fever it will only last for two days tops. Mama has been laughing and teasing me non stop which annoy me to no end. She found it hilarious when I'm all sick and my body all aching. Macam mak nenek dia cakap! I swear Mama laughs at everything. And then she had the cheek to laugh at the doctor. Thank God he didn't realize it. Okay I admit, the doctor was kind of funny. When I saw him the first time I could see his two teeth poking out of his mouth. Then when he looks up, oh boy, his eyes juling! So you can see why Mama was laughing. Well snorting was more like it.

Anyway, I'm feeling much better now. Thank God.

This weekend I plan to go shopping but my schedule is full. I have two assignments due next week, two open house to go, and Ayah's side of the family is coming too. Haiihhss.

There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief and unspeakable love.

I will never be like you
I'll never do the things you do
Selfish and lonely, what's your problem
Letting go of you and this
Is harder than I thought but I will not be poisoned by your actions

Forgetting me, you took things in your hands and left me out
After we'd been through so much, how could you let me down?

I didn't know, I didn't know
I couldn't see, I couldn't see
Never thought you'd forget me
Couldn't believe, couldn't believe
How you deceived, you deceived
I never thought you'd do that to me

Forgetting me, you took things in your hands and left me out
After we'd been through so much, how could you let me down?
Down, you let me down.