I'm feeling very crappy. And exhausted too. I had a very busy stressful week.

It started last friday. We were on our way back to Alor Star. Traffic was slow moving. Some more it rained almost all the way. I was frustrated that I couldn't speed at all. And I hate hate it when people drive slow on the fast lane. How stupid can they get? Not only that I drove for 10 freakin' hours. Along the way there were a couple of accidents but wasn't that bad. Just causing the cars to slow down because Malaysian drivers semuanya kepochi.

We stopped at Auto City for lunch then continued our journey. Not even 30 minutes driving there was traffic. Ingatkan kejap aje. The accident was really bad. Involved 2 lorries and 1 motorcycle. One of the drivers tersepit. So the road was blocked and we had to wait. It turned out to be 3 and a half hours. At the time, I really needed to pee ..badly. But there was no other way where I can do my err... business. I can't just pee outside. Malulah kan nanti orang nampak. Dahlah hujan pulak tu. Ughh seksanya kena tunggu. By the time the accident cleared, everyone pecut cari tandas. Lagilah jammed. Masuk toilet pun line panjang. I was literally dancing, hopping up and down. Mama laughed like crazy. Some lady dah selamat shi shi pun. Tak sempat masuk tandas. Hehehehe.

We reached Alor Star at 7.30pm. Then an hour later we went to Red Village for dinner. Oh my, the dinner was absolutely delicious!! The place was not bad and price pun reasonable. After dinner, lepak2 with the family then went upstairs. I was the first one to fell asleep. Diaorg memekak dalam bilik pun tak sedar apa dah. Normally I'm a light sleeper.

The next day went to Sungai Petani for my friend's wedding. Rumah dia sangat cantik. Pelamin pun very cun. Congratulations Kak Pah. Semoga berbahagia hingga ke anak cucu cicit. Lately a lot of people has been asking me about marriage. I shudder at the thought of it. I'm so not ready. Tapi tak nak cakap lebih2 nanti tengok2 aku pulak kahwin dulu. Hahaha.

Every night we went out for dinner with my families. I had a jolly time spending time with them and of course eat. Second night makan kat Kuala Kedah. The third day kat Riverbank. Semua tempat best dan sedappppppp hingga menjilat jari.

We were supposed to go back to KL on Monday after Subuh. But changed of plans. Luckily I wasn't the one driving. I have a difficult time driving at night but only when it comes to long distance. On Monday, Mama called the ambulance because Maktok wasn't eating, speaking or even moving at all. Just staring at us blankly. It turns out Maktok had a stroke which causes half of her body paralyzed. Not only that, the doctor said her brain has shrunken. Sometimes she recognize people sometimes not. I'm really sad. Now she couldn't speak at all. She has to be fed through tube every three hours. She sleeps all the time. Unlike before, she susah sangat nak tidur. She only sleeps during the day and awake at night. What if she dies or something? Tak sempat nak mintak ampun dengan dia. Last night we baca Yassin ramai2. Doakan Maktok cepat sembuh.

Almost right after Maktok sakit, my Mom pulak sakit. I had to pick her up at the office. This time it has something to do with her neck and shoulder. She said it was burning and very painful.
We went immediately to SJMC. The doctor said it was neck spasm @ stiff neck.

So now starting from Maktok sakit until today people has been coming non-stop. It's very tiring. Not just physically and mentally. Esok and lusa ada wedding then people will be coming to our house to visit Maktok. Some of them are even sleeping at my house. Not that I mind or anything. Hopefully by next week it'll slow down a bit. I start my class on January. I also may have to send and picked Mama up from work. It's not advisable for her to drive now. It may caused her more pain.

I need to go to the spa and relax.

Everyone made mistakes. Some are small and unimportant, we won't even remember them when we look back, but there are also some who are big and disastrous, some would accompany us for a lifetime.

No one can say that he or she had never any mistakes without lying, for mistakes are a part of our lives. Those who are a great mistake, defines our life. They will take a place in our life and sometimes they even play a part in our character.

You have to live with the knowledge that in every moment, in every second, that a mistake will occur. And this can get very pressuring. A mistake can be everything, a wrong move, a wrong word, a wrong look. But what you have to know is, every mistake, begins with thinking and deciding.

For it's us who decides what to do, what to say, what to look at. It's all us, it's all our decision, our choice. And only ours' alone.

First of all SALAM MAAL HIJRAH. I'm in Alor Star with my family. Been driving for the past 10 hours. Very tiring. Traffic was slow moving. I couldn't even speed. Damnnnnnn. Every R&R penuh dengan kereta and ramai sangat orang. Then it was drizzling. We stopped at AutoCity, had Pizza Hut for lunch.

After that, the highway was clear and I was happy because I can speed the whole way. Unfortunately, there was an accident at Gurun. It was very bad and the police closed the road for 3 and a half hours. Ada 2 lori kontena berlaga. One of the driver tersepit in between. And then time tu la I really need to pee. Nak buat cemana have to tahan la. It was uncomfortable and boring kena tunggu. Dah la nobody nak layan me. My Mom was busy reading novel which was mine by the way and my Dad watch some DVD.

After we were finally allowed to move, I practically speed to find the first R&R I could find. Goshhh this is the most uncomfortable experience ever.

Sampai je rumah my cousin, rest for an hour then went to dinner. We ate at this awesome restaurant called Thai Red Village. So yummy. The place was great, service pun excellent. I loveeee it :))

Oklah, gotta go. Nak pi kacau my very comellll, suka katok orang, garang niece.

Oh, forgot to add. I nearly had a heart attack just now. My cousin drove like a maniac. He's wayyyy too fast and he likes to bawak kereta tu dekattttt sangat dengan kereta depan. Mama's side of the family semua suka bawak laju. Genetic perhaps???

Happy Birthday Bapak!!
May Allah bless you always. Love ya :)

Kak Nina bought food from D'Tandoor since it was his favorite. Indian food for a man who looked like chinese. Hehehe. Yummmmy food!!

Best friends forever? Pfft ..that's bullshit. Forever is a very long time. In time friendship suffers, in time all wounds heal, in time you realize that friends forever only means until someone finds something better, in time you realize that people change, that best friends can become ungrateful selfish assholes and that in time you pity them instead of hate them. Because, not having a real friend at all is worth pitying.

We shall see if the person can find someone to depend on. Someone who cares for them and won't find them only in time for need.

I hate feeling like this. The growing resentment that I felt towards that person. It was like a vine, starting off small, but its tendrils were slowly winding their way around my heart. Ugh, please help me stop this.

I practically laugh/snort when I saw this scene in New Moon. Ala-ala hindustan. LOL.

I had a jolly time playing with Amelia today. She laughs, she screams, she imitate people. She's so adorable too. You can't help but love her.

I went out with Syaza again today. Hehe asyik jumpa dia jer. We are both on holidays and our class starts next year. So we want to enjoy as much as we could. Saturday, the whole family went to KLCC. My dad went to PC Fair and us went shopping. It was nice spending time with my Mom. She's always busy and weekend sometimes tak larat nak keluar. We ran into Syaza and family again. They went to see High School Musical. Hehehe.

We had Nando's for lunch and Tony Roma's for desserts. Ughh kenyang betul. We shared the delicious dessert.

I've been out the whole day. I'm so exhausted. Kaki rasa macam nak patah. I had lunch at TGIF with Syaza. Then we walk around, she wanted to buy present for her dad. Later lepak2 with her family. After that went straight to Kak Nina's house. She took the day off. We watched Carriers, not bad although tak masuk akal. I was supposed to send her to Mami's house but changed of plans. I was invited to dinner with them. Mama couldn't come since she was still at the office. Kak Nina practically forced me and adik to go. Ugh, I was not in the mood to follow because I just got back from Pyramid and was out since 10am. I was very tired, dengan badan melekit, muka minyak. When I finally agreed I told her I wanted to go back home first. She didn't let me at first, takut I nak escape. Took her awhile to let me go. Aisya had to stay there with her as hostage. LOL she can be very funny sometimes.

We went to Mantra in Pyramid. It's an Indian restaurant. Not bad the food. I especially love the butter chicken. Very delicious! Today was also Kak Nisaa's birthday, so celebrate sekali la. She looked very pretty.

I kept laughing at Megat because he keeps rolling his eyes when it comes to her. Very amusing to watch. Then he told me stories about last night. They went to Shook. Saw all the hot celebrities and all.

One more thing, when Amelia saw me, the first thing she said was 'Pau' and then she smiled. Dimples and all. Nak marah pun tak jadi. Why can't she call me Aunty Lia or Alia pun jadi la.

I felt so out of place…

Tied to a world in which I didn’t belong;

Alone…

I've been trying to teach Amelia to say my name for months already. The closest she get was 'Lala'. Where did she get that name from pun I tak tau ler. Then my cousin saja nak kenakan me teach Amelia to call me Papau. That one only took a day. Ni semua Kak Nina punya pasal :~( I'm not angry just a bit annoyed.

I watched New Moon last weekend with Kak Nina and Megat. I was so excited and could hardly contain myself from jumping up and down because I've already read all the books and freakin' loveee it! But sadly to say I hardly enjoyed it. Only after the wolves showed up only it get slightly better. I fell asleep for a few minutes I think when my sister elbowed me. She was annoyed I ignored her. Seriously the movie was not what I expected it to be. Different from the book I can accept but it was so boring and slow. Twilight was way better. You should see my cousin complaining and mocking Bella especially Megat. Sampai sekarang dia ungkit. He said Bella is a selfish bitch and not matured enough. As for Edward, well he kept on saying 'Heesh orang tua ni'. LOL it was funny to see him like that.

Anyway the 'weather' is calm now. But the storm is still there lingering, hiding behind the heavy dark clouds waiting for the opportunity to come out.

Today has been the worst day of my life. One minute everything was fine, we were talking and laughing, next they started fighting. It had gotten so bad that he decided to turn around and headed back home. We were already on our way back to Johor. He was just so angry and I was scared to even look at him. He snaps at everyone. He made my sister and Mama cry. Even I cry! But not until we are safely back home.

When my Dad decided to turn back home I told him that I still want to go to Johor. Said I was welcomed to. On the way back we stop by Dengkil because there was something wrong with the tyre. I could see my parents fighting outside. It got quite bad that I was afraid he's going to hit her. I swear if he did I'm gonna hit him back! You don't ever put your hands on a woman.

Did you know he fell down just now? He was bleeding. I tried to help him and he just pushed me off. While I was driving I kept checking on him through the rear view mirror. He was closing his eyes. I think it was really painful. I don’t think he can eat properly for awhile. His mouth was bruising quite badly. Luckily tak patah gigi.

Gosh I don't know what to do now. Everything happened so fast. I don't want to see them fighting anymore.

I had a great time with my college friends today. We spent our day in One Utama. On the way there we got lost. I forgot the way if it's from Kelana Jaya. Normally I used the airport road and lalu tol.

Then while walking around I ran into Syaza and Liana. Sempat Syaza suruh shooting for her competition. Hehehe.

I'm so exhausted now. Not to mention full. We ate Italiannies and ice cream.

I was reading a story from fanfiction when there was this quotes I read.

"A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of." – Jane Austen

“A large income is the only thing a woman wants from a man.” – Draco Malfoy

“A large income isn’t important in a relationship, but it doesn’t hurt.” – Hermione Granger.

It got me thinking. Which one would you choose? As for me I chose the first one. Not to be materialistic or me being a shallow person but money is important in your life. Everything requires money and most of them are expensive. Sometimes love only is not enough. You will never survive in the long run. Trust me I would know that from experience.

This is Kate Hudson in the movie "Nine". I saw the trailer and can't wait to watch it. She looked gorgeous and I love her dancing and cheeky smile. Her voice are not that bad too :)

It's my birthday today. I turned twenty two this year. Honestly, not much difference than being twenty-one. Although it did made me think about life and aging, a little bit. Hahaha macam la tua sangat.

As for celebration, we are doing a BBQ dinner this Saturday. Mami and Kak Nina's family je datang. Every year they always celebrate with us :)

Finals next week. Damn.

…..Walking through life unnoticed, knowing that no one cares. Too consumed in their masquerade no one sees her there…..

Since today is Mama's birthday, we went to TGI's Friday to celebrate. Later Kak Nina's family joined us. She called me earlier to inform me that she's coming to surprise Mama. Mama was so happy especially when Amelia's there. Now she liked to mimic Tok Su's cough. Everytime we ask 'Tok Su batuk macamana?' She'll respond' ahak ahak'. Did I mention she loves to bat her eyelashes to other people or smile at them? Very flirty. hehehe.

Looking forward to Saturday. Spending time with family celebrating my and Mama's birthday. I can't wait. Hopefully nobody will ask about my non existant boyfriend.

Happy Birthday Mama. I love you very much.

When I woke up this morning I realized I have pimples. All over my forehead. What the hell? I rarely have pimples and even if I do, only one or two. I usually have blackhead or whitehead. Was it because of the cream I used? Maybe it's not suitable for me.

Oh I finally convinced Mama to do a mini BBQ at our house. At first she was a bit reluctant because she wanted to make something else but I managed to convince her :) Kak Nina is going to be mad. She wanted to celebrate my and Mama's birthday at her house. But Mama doesn't want to because Maktok will be left out. Kesian Maktok nanti tinggal sorang2. This weekend dia kena tinggal because she wasn't invited takkan next week nak tinggal lagi pulak. Hmm tak patut tak patut ;)

Chirp chirp chirp ...

Everday I woke up to that sound near my window. They just love to chirp chirp chirp.

I had a great time yesterday. I hang out with my friends first at Subang Parade. We had Nando's for brunch. Then at 1pm I went to Kak Nina's house. Party starts at 3pm and I tolong apa patut. Oh jadi runner sekejap, everytime ais or sunquick habis. Nasib baik speedmart dekat. Birthday girl comel sangat. And I love the cake. So beautifully decorated and yummy. Amelia cried a little when we sang 'Happy Birthday'. I think she's overwhelmed. Hehehe. Ada la jugak merengek especially bila strangers pegang dia. Certain people je boleh dukung like me. Hehehe. Overall she behaved as long as you don't kerumun her. She's a bit reserved like Bapak. Kalau takda orang, bising betul. She'll scream, laugh, smile, bob her head to her fav songs etc. So cute!

Anyway, I stayed there until 9++. I wanted to go back home early but Kak Nina tak bagi. Asked us to stay on sampai semua orang balik. I almost dozed off but thank God tak terlelap. Malu jer nanti.

Oh and there's this kid who thought my Mom was 60 years old. I laugh so hard when I heard that. Should see the look on Mama's face. Funny gila. Terbeliak mata dia. I think she was horrified. But the kid was really nice though and shy but he loves to talk. Mama adore dia sangat2. Said he's handsome and polite especially for his age. He talks about his parents separation and that they are going to get divorced soon. Selamba je muka. We felt a bit awkward when he mentioned that. Cepat2 tukar topic. That's when I ask him to teka my Mom's age. It was the first thing that came to my mind. He was like 'Hmm 40 ..50 ..60? LOL. Damn funny.

Anyway Amelia got so many presents. Educational stuff, toys, clothes etc. Some of the clothes was too big on her as Amelia is quite small for her age. When we got home almost everyone went to sleep immediately. It was a tiring but fun day.

I ate roti jala and kari ayam while watching The Nanny. So yummy. Lama tak makan.

So anyway, I decided to do a mini BBQ party for my and Mama's birthday. We only invited Mami and Kak Nina's family. Every year we do the same except for last year, we went to TGI's. But this year Kak Nina decided to do the party at her house. She said she'll cooked. Hehehe can you believe that? But I'm more interested in her deserts. Sangat delicious!! She made tiramisu cake for my birthday the last time.

I'm a bit stressed out now. My exam is on the 17th until 25th. Hopefully I pass with flying colours especially in Meriam's subject ~> Introduction to Language and Linguistic and Academic and Professional Discourse.

Happy 1st birthday Amelia :)

Amelia did the sweetest thing today. I was holding her on my lap when she turned around and faced me. Then suddenly she tried to grab my specs. I was startled and nearly yelled at her, luckily I didn't. I was like 'Hep. No Amy2'. She was feeling a bit guilty I think because after that she grabbed my shoulders and tried to kissed my cheek. I resisted it at first. But she kept on trying and gave me the biggest wet sloppy kiss. Then she smiled her cute dimple smile.

Now I'm trying to teach her to say my name. But instead of Aunty Lia or Alia or Lia, she called me Lala. Ugh oh all names. One more thing, she called me 'Apau'. Only once thank God. Hopefully she won't repeat it ever.

Gosh this girl is smart trying to imitate every sound. Clever girl Amy2.

I spent the majority of my day at my Auntie's salun. Haven't been there in quite some time. The three of us (me, Mama and my sis) buat facial and massage. I'm not so fond of massages because 1. I'm very ticklish, 2. It was painful. But after that rasa legaaaa sangat. Kak Jenny said I have a lot tension in my body and I need to let it all out.

I felt a lot better now. I might do it again sometime. Tu pun kalau sanggup tahan sakit. Hehehe. But then kalau selalu buat lama-lama dah tak sakit. Hmm we shall see.

We often dream that fairy tales were real. That the world is black and white and it starts in 'once upon a time' and ends in 'happily-ever-after'. That the good guys are honest and true and the bad guys are easily seen by their pointy horns and made-up stories. That there are prince charming and knights in shining armors who would always be there to save the day.

But as we grow older, we realize that they remain just like that- dreams. There are no happily-ever-afters. There is no prince charming, no knight in shining armor who will save you from falling.
Because the person you wish to catch you when you fall, is the person you can’t have.

I was a frequent victim of sleep paralysis.

I could be completely aware of my surroundings but not able to move a muscle.

She is so irritating. And she makes me so angry because she's being unfair and a little bit forgetful.

Did you know I got a zero for my 2nd assignment. A BLOODY ZERO. Can you believe that? I worked hard for it. I even send it on time unlike the others and they got full marks! She said she was going to deduct marks to those who send in late. Most of them hantar two weeks later. Mana aci!

What made me so angry was that, first she said I didn't passed up my assignment then when I argued back she said I got a zero because my literature review was not related with my research.
Arggghhh I feel like pulling my hairs out. Geram sangat-sangat dengan meriam ni! I had sent my assignment on time and masa class dia lagi! Depan mata dia hantar benda alah tu.

Dahlah ajar pun tah pape. Ramai student tak faham langsung apa dia ajar! Macam mana boleh jadi lecturer?

I forgot to bring my purse today. Luckily my sister have class at the same time with me. So dengan muka tak malunya mintak duit kat si nyonya tu. Thank God I realized it sooner. Kalau tak time nak bayar nanti takda duit. Malu je nanti. Hehehehe.

I slept in my parents room last night along with my sister. Mama slept in Mak tok's room downstairs. My dad told me he couldn't sleep because it was too quiet. LOL.

As for me, I woke up in a middle of the night and nearly freaked out because of the unfamiliar room. My dad switched off the light and I couldn't see anything.

Tomorrow I'm going to march right up to that rude RHB security guard and kicked his ugly ass. Just thinking of the incident earlier, make my blood boils. Takda manners ke apa? Beradab la sikit. Takda pelajaran ke apa? Oh riiiiight, memang takda pun sebab tu hang jadi security guard.

Sialan kau!

Okay I feel much better now. And a little bit guilty because I insulted him although not face to face but I might tomorrow. We'll see.

I went to Parade with Nisa today. When she called this morning, I just kept on ignoring it. But she was very insistent that she devil. Kept on calling and calling until I pick up. We had lunch and then just walk around Parade. I found the perfect handbag for my birthday. Gonna ask Mama to buy it for me. I bought shoes from Elo. I couldn't resist. Hehehe :)

I had fun going out but I feel very disconnected. We are not like before. She has her own life. Only come to me when she's bored or have no one to hang out with. Oh well, not the first time. She's done it before, so many times.

I had an awesome weekend.

Got to spend more time with Amelia. Both Saturday and Sunday :)

Took lots of pictures courtesy of Syaza.

Hugs, kisses, laughter, chit chat. Best!

I feel lonely. Everything just feels stagnant now.

Dry. Distant.

Sometimes, it’s all together emotionless. It scares me because I can’t explain any of them.

I can hear my parents laughing downstairs with their friends. I wonder what were they talking about that got them laughing so loud.

I got to see my childhood friends last weekend. Best!! I haven't seen them in so long except Syaza. Makcik tu dah selalu sangat nampak. Oopss, dia tau nanti marah plak. Hahaha.

That old hag! She's infuriatingly rude. Fickle minded. Macam-macam la lagi!

She annoys the hell out of me! I feel like ...ughhh can I kick her ass?

Yesterday we had a mini open house. Mama invited our family from JB/Batu Pahat and a few neighbors to our house. My maid cooked nasi tomato. Yummy. Too bad tak berapa lalu nak makan. Just ate a little bit.

It was so much fun. I haven't seen them in so long. Even Kak Nina drop by. Yay, got to see Amy2. After everyone went home, everyone took a short nap except me. Then off to Syaza's house. Stayed there until 9.30pm. As usual I'm the driver but on the way back home I had to stop by the road. My migrain was getting worse. I could see black spots and I feel queasy. Not good. So Ayah took over. Gosh my migrain is getting worse ever since last week, masa demam hari tu. Everytime ingat dah baik, nanti mesti sakit balik. Now pun rasa sikit2. I don't want to depend on medicine forever! What should I do?

I have been sick since last Friday. Doctor said it was viral fever. Normally if I have a fever it will only last for two days tops. Mama has been laughing and teasing me non stop which annoy me to no end. She found it hilarious when I'm all sick and my body all aching. Macam mak nenek dia cakap! I swear Mama laughs at everything. And then she had the cheek to laugh at the doctor. Thank God he didn't realize it. Okay I admit, the doctor was kind of funny. When I saw him the first time I could see his two teeth poking out of his mouth. Then when he looks up, oh boy, his eyes juling! So you can see why Mama was laughing. Well snorting was more like it.

Anyway, I'm feeling much better now. Thank God.

This weekend I plan to go shopping but my schedule is full. I have two assignments due next week, two open house to go, and Ayah's side of the family is coming too. Haiihhss.

There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief and unspeakable love.

I will never be like you
I'll never do the things you do
Selfish and lonely, what's your problem
Letting go of you and this
Is harder than I thought but I will not be poisoned by your actions

Forgetting me, you took things in your hands and left me out
After we'd been through so much, how could you let me down?

I didn't know, I didn't know
I couldn't see, I couldn't see
Never thought you'd forget me
Couldn't believe, couldn't believe
How you deceived, you deceived
I never thought you'd do that to me

Forgetting me, you took things in your hands and left me out
After we'd been through so much, how could you let me down?
Down, you let me down.

My family. My Life.

I'm gonna kill whoever parked their cars in front my house and my gate! I don't think it was the keling opposite my house. But whoever it was memang rude gila!! I thought it was only temporary but until now still there.

Dahlah selalu berebut parking dengan keling depan rumah now ada orang suka hati mak bapak dia je parking depan GATE plak tu! Ughhhh thank God my plan cancelled. Kalau tak memang tak boleh keluar since adik is using the other car.

I'm exhausted! So many people came by today. From morning until after maghrib non stop. My maid cooked mee kuah and nasi tomato. Yummy!!

Amelia's first Raya. In two months time she's going to be 1 years old. Can't wait for her birthday party. Hehe.

I spent the whole day at Kak Nina's house. I bought breakfast from Darussalam. Gila pedas sambal dia! Then around 5pm we all went to Kak Nisa's house then Mami's house. Our uncle and cousins are all there already. I had Mami's infamous kuah kacang. DELICIOUS! Every year I look forward to it. Sedap hingga menjilat jari. Hehe. Normally I ate it with roti je because I don't like nasi impit/ketupat. But ketupat palas okay la. At first malu2 kucing la nak ambik because there was so many people. I ended up ambik kat dapur. Lagi best because it was still hot. Yummy. Kak Nina said tak malunya ambik kat belakang. Yea yea so what? I love it. Bukan selalu dapat.

Tomorrow my family and I are off to Johor. Damn sure kena drive punya. Hopefully there's not many cars.

Being best friends is a two way street and I’m sick and tired of trying to hang on to something that isn’t there anymore.

The Thiness Of Ice by Liz Loxley

‘At first we’ll meet as friends

(Though secretly I’ll be hoping

we’ll become much more

and hoping that you’re hoping that too)

‘At first we’ll be like skaters

testing the thickness of ice

(with each meeting

we’ll skate nearer the centre of the lake)

‘Later we will become less anxious to impress

less eager than the skater going for gold.

(The triple jumps and spins

will become an old routine,

we will become content with simple movements).

‘Later we will not notice the steady thaw,

the creeping cracks will be ignored.

(And one day when the ice gives way

we will scramble to save ourselves

and not each other)

‘Last of all we’ll meet as acquaintances

(though secretly we’ll be enemies,

hurt by missing out on a medal,

jealous of new partners)

‘Last of all we’ll be like children

Having learnt the thinness of ice,

(Though secretly, perhaps, we may be hoping,

to break the ice between us

and meet again as friends)’

The problem with trying to forget your past is that no matter how much time passes you can never truly outrun it. Eventually you will be reminded. Whether it is a name, a scent, or a written letter, for one miniscule second you’ll be transported back to a time when things were perfect ..or not so perfect. Depend on how you look at it.

love bites.
when you get the 'mights' from people.
you know it's not worth it.
it's just hell on earth if you keep pretending.

maybe.
just maybe, you'll find someone.
until then the sun will shine.
but not brightly.
love bites.

You are such a P.I.T.A.

Pain in the ass!

Kak Nina already bought my birthday present. She purposely told me that because she knows it will drive me crazy. Big meanie!

Bloody cat! Scared the crap out of me.

I didn't know the cat was beside me and I screamed. The cat got scared and ran away. Dah la hitam! Sheesh next time make some noise to alert your presence.

Shah said 'susu tawar' instead of 'susu cair'

Nisa said 'CPU' instead of 'CPR'.

LOL.

I closed my eyes but for some reason saw something else besides the darkness of my eyelids.

Hmm ..

Err ...why is my right eye twitching like mad? It's annoying. I can't make it stop. Tried putting my hand on it but it's still twitching.

Nobody likes pain. Let’s face it, it hurts. If you knew ahead of time the things that were going to cause you pain, you probably wouldn’t do them. I found myself asking how do children learn not to touch a hot stove. They do it once, feel the pain and remember not to do it again. Pain teaches. The world doesn’t end just because you want or feel it might end. Life goes on, even when you’re in pain. You cry the tears and move on with life. If only that statement was true.

We all make mistakes

Sometimes we lie

Just put on a smile that’s fake

But when you’re alone you cry

Make a promise, then break it

So just laugh along and fake it

It’s something you’ll need to bear

Because no one will ever care.

I am sitting in my parents room playing with my laptop while listening to my cousin babbling on the phone with Mama for the past 20 minutes. Kesian Mama. She looked a bit stressed out. I can even hear half of what he said because he talked so loud. Seriously when he starts talking he won't be able to shut up. Especially when he's angry. I'm a little scared of him sometimes. Two weeks ago I had to listen to him rant about something while eating. The conversation went on sampai ke kereta dan rumah. He really does have a lot of anger that sometimes I'm worried about him. It's not healthy to have so much anger. You could get a heart attack or something.

One thing about my cousin is that he's very protective when it comes to the people he cares about. So when people tries to hurt them, he'll get very angry. You know like a mother protecting her cubs. He won't care about anything else. I appreciate what he has done to my mother but still, we're family. Related to each other. I don't want my family to fight. Once we fight susah nak baik semula. It will take years and I'm not willing to go through that because I love them so much. And I definitely don't want to choose sides. I know they won't ask for it but still sides would be taken and lines would be drawn.

A little embarrassing and I was nervous but overall it was good. Hahaha :)

Guess what? My grandmother's maid ran away ..again! Tak sampai pun four months. Bloody hell!

You called and called and called until I pick up the damn phone. Then without saying 'Hi how are you' just bitched about your cousins and how they hated your father bla bla. After you finished off your little rant, you said you'd called back which I know you won't then hang up. Bitch much? Do I look like a freakin' doormat to you? Why the hell didn't you just call your stupid college friends? I'm sure they are willing to hear about your sob story.

I'm gonna miss you guys so much! Love you all.

Today's housewarming/doa selamat was okay and a bit emotional. I got to see all my relatives. My little niece was crying non-stop because she's not used to so many people. It took Kak Nina awhile to calm her down. After that she was ok but she doesn't like people go near her or try to touch her. Luckily she doesn't cry if I carry her around. I keep on singing 'twinkle twinkle' to make her smile because she likes the song and everyone wanted to see her infamous dimple. Hehehe.

I have to go to PWTC tomorrow. Let's just hope I don't get lost.

I have to go to PWTC tomorrow. Let's just hope I don't get lost.

Everybody has their wants and needs. Everybody wants something out of another. Nobody wants to give up, because they'll know one day, they will regret it. Everybody has likes and dislikes. Everybody is unique and different. It's what divides us, but at the same time, it makes us in harmony with each other. I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go. Things go wrong so that you can appreciate them when they're right. You believe in lies until eventually you learn to trust no one but yourself and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. People change; things do go wrong but just remember life goes on. So take many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every minute you spend mad or upset is a minute of your life that you'll never get back.

I'm thinking of watching Transformers again. Tomorrow perhaps?

You know that one moment in life when everything stops, leaving your whole entire world frozen and you recount all the things that had happened. Like the one time you regret something or a scene in life that you didn’t want to remember. It gives you seconds to get a hold of your emotions, not really feeling anything yet. Then all of a sudden life starts again but in fast forward, thrusting feeling after feeling until your world starts spinning so much that you just want to curl up into a ball and close your eyes.

Well that’s what happened to me.

I am moving to the new house today. Yay.

I went to IKEA with my dad and my sister. The whole way there they keep on teasing me and it annoy the hell out of me. Both of them were laughing so hard they actually snorted. How disgusting. All this because of a damn song and what that stupid DJ said. *pouts*

"What do you like? Kacang pau, kaya pau, what pau? How about boom boom pow?"

I bet you 100 bucks my dad will tell everyone about it. Especially Kak Nina. Uwaaa..

I saw you.

Yes, you.

How are you enjoying your Sunday? I had a wonderful time today. There's sale everywhere :) Mata melilau tengok barang2. Mama bought my sister and I a new comforter bedsheet for our room from Akemi and other stuff which I'm too lazy to type. We also watched Terminator which was boring to me. I doze off a few times. Mama and adik je yang enjoy. Then we had lunch at Waffle World with Mami and Bapak. It was my first time there and the food was ok-ok la. Taklah sedap mana.

After shopping, we went to Mami's house and just lepak2. Amelia's outfit was so cute today.

Anyway there are going to be a fragrance warehouse clearance sale up to 80% in a couple of weeks which I can't wait to go.

I had dinner at Mami's house last night after picking Mama up from her physio. We played around with Amelia. Did you know she loves to dance? Well in her case she wiggles her legs. But only to certain songs like Akon-Right Now(NaNaNa) and Britney Spears-If You Seek Amy. The minute pasang je lagu tu terus sengih. So cute!

I want to watch Monsters vs Aliens. But Mama want to watch Terminator. Haiihs. Boringnya. Anyway Ayah went to Johor until Monday. Yayyy saya suka.

I’ve been experiencing extreme highs and lows that I'm not finding it amusing at all. Sometimes, it’s all together emotionless. It scares me because I can’t explain any of them.

This is getting way wayyyyy out of hand.

Because of what you said, they are going to think I'm the bad one. The one who talk behind their back and betrayed them. Which I'm not. I'm Switzerland. Neutral. I don't take anyone's side.

I love them. I love her. Even though people talk bad things about her. They are my family. Your family damn it!

I ram into somebody today. It ended on good terms but before that it was hell. It got so bad that Mama had to forced me to stay inside the car. What pisses me off more that he think I was trying to run away. He was so bloody rude. I nearly go out of the car to argue some more and possibly kick his dumbass or something. But I don't want to make things worse.

I admit it was my fault. And the minute I got out of the car I apologize profusely. But he was really rude and keep on attacking me. I didn't even get to explain. I was still calm but my body was shaking. Then he told me he wants to go the police station and settle it there. I just blow up and yelled back because he said he was hurt and his motorcycle and helmet was damage. Well he was hurt but not bleeding. At all. Just a few scratch and bruises. He was exaggerating and that really got me angry. He told me I was blind because I didn't see him and I didn't signal when I wanted to go left. Why crossed to the other side kalau ada kereta. Walhal kereta pun takda sebab tu aku cross. Bengong! I said it was my lane and baru je nak signal and that was when I ram into him. Tak masuk lagi pun lane lagi satu. He was moving fast anyway and bawak motor atas line putih. Tak ke bodoh tu! So technically salah dia jugak. Then he had the guts to say that I didn't apologize and was being rude to him.

Even if I had already signal, I don't think I can see him because he was at the blind spot. Very near to the car. Besides there was a four wheel car that parked there so he has to slow down and I was just on the other lane. Stupid jerk. Blah!

I was really shaken up. I cried for hours when I got home. To tell you the truth I'm not so sorry after that when he insulted me. I understand if he's angry because I wrecked his motor and panic and hurt but really he had no right to being rude and insult me like that.

I called Mami while I was in the car waiting for Mama to settle it. From there, she would call every few hours to check up on me. The whole family called, individually. I was touched. I love you guys. She didn't even sound concerned at all. This is a very long post. I think I'll shut up now. I'm exhausted anyway. Adios, Sayonara, Arrivederci, Bye bye.

Get out get out! Leave me alone. I don't want to see anyone. I don't want to talk to anybody. Because if I do I will cry ..again! Gosh I'm such a baby.

I caught Mama in the act! HA!!

Naughty girl!

Malaysia confirms first case of swine flu. Oh dear~

"I got a severe bitching from Alia today".

This is what Ayah told Mama when she called just now.
Boo hoo hoo. He just love egging me on. Grrrrr ..

My favourite author from fanfiction.net just passed away last weekend. She got hit by a drunk driver. I will never get to read her stories anymore :~(

This whole renovation thing is really tiring me out. I have to follow my parents around everywhere looking for furnitures, bed, wardrobes and so on. Don't even get me started on the tiles and patio. It's such a hassle. I remember them dragging me to Selayang to see the White Horse tile showroom. We were there for hours! I was really annoyed with my dad and sister. They just sat at the sofa snoring away. Ughh I feel like strangling them.

Everything have to decide fast because my parents wants to move into the new house as soon as possible. Maka itu, berlakulah pergaduhan di antara kami. All of us has different taste. If the person likes this, the others don't. My parents argue a lot. Even I was dragged into it except my sister. She always kept her opinion to herself. Which is so unlike me. Hehehehe.

The other day Ayah told me that I am driving him nuts. He said I talk too much. Bleurgh. Dah tu jangan la paksa suruh ikut. His fav words 'It is an order not a request'. One day, we went out just the two us and I brought my book along with me because I decided to just keep my mouth shut. Then he complained why am I so quiet.

Did I mention that his latest hobby is to annoy me? Everyday he sings that stupid song 'Boom boom pow' because its similar to my nickname at home. Only my family knows and a few very close friends. Worse, kat radio selalu pasang lagu tu! Haiyooo ..

Last week was Mami's birthday. Yesterday Megat's birthday. To celebrate her birthday we went to Tasik Indah. It was kind of a last minute thing. I bought the cake. So yummy. Hehehe. Dinner with my family was always a pleasure. I love them so very much.

I'm torn between two sides. Both sides means the world to me. I love each and every one of them.

I'm addicted to The Nanny. I've been watching it everyday since last year. And now since I'm living in the apartment lagilah tengok. This is all my sister's fault! She got me into this. At first I hate watching it because Nanny Fine's voice is annoying but somehow now I find it adorable. LOL. Okay, back to watching the show. Tata ..

Wait, did I mention that I almost got hit by a car when I was driving at USJ4?

Did I also mention that just now Maktok was upside down in her bed? How she end up like that I do not know. Lepas tu tadi dia tak nak makan langsung and when Adik tanya dia jawab 'tu ...dia tak bagi Maktok makan.' Muka punyalah innocent. Hehehehe.

I'm done. Done making efforts.

She's 5 months old now. Comel sangat.

I didn't know moving could be so much hassle. I seriously have a lot of junk. Tu pun banyak dah buang. And it was so tiring and stressful having to go back and forth. Anyway the contractor is coming to our new house tomorrow. Hopefully takda masalah and cepat siap all the renovations.

Mama belanja my sister and I thai massage today. It was our first time. It was heaven. I love it! I definitely want to go there again. The place was called Arokaya House opposite Tarbush Restaurant at Pyramid.

The doctor suspected Abang Jal has a dengue or virus infection because his was fever was really high. I really hope both isn't true.

Guess what? My maid ran away earlier this evening. Puncanya? My grandma of course. Seriously why the hell can't she keep her bloody mouth shut? Why must she condemn people? Sakitkan hati orang? I'm getting sick of this. Dah penat sangat nak deal dengan dia. Macam-macam masalah. Dah berapa banyak maid yang lari sebab tak tahan dengan perangai dia? No wonder people call her General. Ingat murah ke nak hire a maid? Expensive tau. How many maids have lived with her? More than 5! And ni bukan maid dia yang lari tapi Mama's.

I was in the bathroom when I got the news that my maid ran away. The other maid told me. I wanted to chase after her but my car broke down and Ayah's not at home so I cannot borrow his car. Ugh, I was so angry that I almost went to my grandma's room to shout at her. After all it was her fault. Why the hell does she have to be so mean? She always make the two maids cry.

Everybody has their own limit and I guess my maid has reached her highest limit. Who wouldn't? Even I, myself cannot tahan her sometimes. Normally I'll just stay out of her way, only talking if necessary. I used to quarrel with her all the time back when she was still in Alor Star. Now since she's been living with us my parents warned me to behave. They know I'm a very hot temper person.

We're moving in a couple of days and this will be a problem. A big one. Also I cannot imagine her living in the apartment for 2-3 months. Wheelchair+tiny bathroom+master bedroom= moody Maktok. This is so not good.

I still cannot eat spicy food. When we went to celebrate Kak Nina's birthday, I thought nobody would saw me sneak in a little bit of chilli sauce but of course my annoying little sister saw it and she was like 'ha, alia tak boleh makan pedas' bla bla. Bukan pedas mana pun. Hmmph.

Anyway today ..or should I say yesterday I went to see David Archuletta's concert with Syaza and her sisters. At first I wasn't really keen on going but since the ticket was free I thought I'd just go. He's not bad and can definitely sings live. He came an hour late. Hmm typical artist.

After that I went back home, had a quick shower then meet up with Mama and adik. Oh Kak Nina and Su Zen pun ada. Too bad Amelia's not there with them. Then went straight to KLIA to pick up Ayah. Overall I had a very fun and tiring day.

:)

I went to Pyramid twice today. Watched Little Miss Shopaholic. Hilarious! I laugh my ass off watching it. Then after maghrib went there again to celebrate Kak Nina's birthday at Tarbush Restaurant. Not really my kind of food but okay la. The place was nice.

Birthday girl/mom

Everybody has been reminding me not to eat spicy food. Atleast wait until I'm better. I get it ok?
No spicy food :( Stop reminding me. It's annoying. Ugh!!! Even my Dad who is in Australia right now keep on reminding me! Now that my back is okay penyakit lain pulak datang. Macam-macam.

I went to watch He's just not that into you. Not bad. Oh crap tak makan ubat lagi. Mama's gonna kill me. Later!

My back is killing me. Make it stop! I couldn't sleep properly and because of it I got massive headaches. And what irritates me the most is that sometimes my back is fine and sometimes not. It depends on what I do.

Since we're moving soon I've been packing like crazy. I'll be moving twice. The apartment then the new house. Double pain on my back. Ugh!

No matter how angry or how hurt I am with her, she is still my best friend. I don't want to see her hurt or sad. She's been through so much already.

The mind has a funny way of working. The more you don’t want to think about something, the more you do. It’s like a bad memory. Bad memories are always so easy to remember but you hardly ever remember the good ones.

She looked so horrified. LOL.

I've been singing nursery rhymes for two days straight now. I lost count after ten times. Since it's been raining everyday my niece demanded me to sing this song complete with moves.

Rain rain go away
Come again another day
Little Hanis wants to play
Rain rain go away
Never show your face again.

Very tiring. Not to mention I always got thirsty. She's addicted to all the songs. I'm glad she's not here now. Hahaha jahatnya. But seriously. Nak ke nyanyi lagu yang sama hari-hari. Tak sanggup!

My back hurts. A lot. I've been having these awful pains on-off for the past month. Now it's getting worse and more frequent. Why? Alignment lari ke? LoL. When I told Mama, the only thing she said was "I told you to go to the doctor so many times. You wouldn't listen. Degil betul".
It was just that anything medical scared me. It reminded me too much of blood and needles.

One of the things that can take me away from reality is books. I practically drown myself in books. I let myself sink deep into them and live as the characters live. When I read books, I don't have to think about all the problems I have in life and all the pain and hurt I feel. I just think about the life of the character and how the main character always finds true love and always has a happily ever after. Of course I tell myself that its true that everyone has a happily ever after, everyone finds their own soul mates someday. But I know they don't. Not everyone finds there soul mate and not everyone has a happily ever after. My life is the perfect example of that. When I get sucked into a book my life is no more my life. I am the blond hair, blue eyed beauty, with the perfect long hair, the perfect sized chest and the long slender legs with a toned stomach. When I come out of my dream world, I hate the feeling of coming back to reality, to know that I am the girl that was ugly and still is, and I am the girl that was being called names because she was hideous. To know I will never have a perfect life, not that everyone's perfect or even a normal life, eats me up inside, the book finishes and I look at my reflection and see the dull black eyed dead black haired girl.

I still remember all those words they called me. Or how their faces looked like. All of those words cut really deep. I couldn’t help but believe them though. I mean who am I to say that loads of people are wrong and only one person which is me is right. It doesn’t work like that. After all I'm just a doormat. And a hideous one at that.


-- Forgive me for being so emotional. I just need to vent a little.

People talk. Say things behind your back
Like a two-faced pathetic backstabber they are
Some people love to run their mouths
All I hear is blah blah blah
Static in my ears. Blocking the things I don’t want to hear
The "oh my god did you know" or "the oh my god that’s so last year"
Superficial people with their nose in the air
They don’t even care
Gossip goes round and round in circle
But all I hear is blah blah blah.

A circle is round,
it has no end.
That's how long,
I will be your friend.

A fire burns bright,
it warms the heart.
We've been friends,
from the very start.

You have one hand,
I have the other.
Put them together,
We have each other.

I was browsing some videos in Youtube when I stumble upon this movie called Keith. The story is about a 17-year old girl named Natalie who thinks she has got life figured out until she meets Keith Zetterstrom who is her new chemistry lab partner. They didn't get along well at first but later on they became friends and eventually they fall for each other. Then she discovers that Keith is hiding a dark secret. Basically this is the male version of A Walk To Remember. It is so sad and tragic. I just wished that the ending could have been a little more detailed. And I love Elisabeth Harnois in that movie.

My hand stings. The birds leg grip my hand too hard. It was painful but worth it because I get to feed them.

--

The pipe in the kitchen just broke and water burst out of it and Ayah was standing right in front of it. I think he was washing his hands when it happened.

He was frantically calling for us. I rushed out my room and when I saw him I just burst out laughing. He was wet from head to toe. It was just so funny. Now the kitchen is all wet. My maid had to cleaned it all up.

I had to literally begged my parents to go to Hot Air Balloon fiesta in Putrajaya. They said they're too old for it. It took me awhile to pujuk them, last2 baru agreed because I told them Syaza's family is going to be there. So many people and it was so hot. I was sweating like hell. Mama complained a lot, panas la penat la. Pot pet la as usual. Hehehe. I was only there for the light show. Couldn't come earlier because Mama had an appointment. The show started late. Supposed to start at 8.30pm. There was even clowns there. Ugh, I hate clowns. And mascots. They freaked me out. Actually takda apa sangat pun. Bukannya terbang pun. Siang je boleh. So we just don't see the point to linger on any longer so we headed to Old White Coffee at Sunway for some late snack.

I'll post the pics later. I'm too lazy to upload. Sangat penat. Been out the whole day. Midnight baru balik.

Toodles~

I wish it wasn't just a one way street. I wish I wasn't the only one who needs to show the effort of keeping them, meaning friends and family close. I also wish they won't come to me only when trouble strikes them. Or when they needed my help which is often. Don't get me wrong I will still be there for you but it would be so nice to just want me because you missed me or you wanted to hang out etc.

I bought new tops from Nichii and Voir. I showed it to Mama and her first reaction was 'nak pindah next month boleh beli baju lagi' Sheesh Mama ni tak sporting betul.

I went to Pyramid with Nisa and Mazrina. After that we went to USJ4 for dinner. I got this sms from unknown number. I was a bit annoyed because I've been getting all this messages and I don't even know them. Their answers pun poyo and sarcastic. So Nisa decided to call the number and warned that person not to call me. Hehehehe. Garang betul dia dalam phone tadi. Macam singa ..eh musang ;) Hahahaha.

Sometimes

You wonder

If everything

Would be different

If

You had made

A different

Choice

Or taken

A different path

Would everything

Be

Different?

Who would you be

Who would your friends be

Who would your love be

Where would you be.

If you

Had made

A

Different choice

Or

Taken

A different path?

You wonder

If everything

Would be different

Sometimes.

If everything goes well, we will be officially moving out by next month. Our new house is located at Usj 4. Not far from our current house now. I haven't packed any of my stuff yet. I'm sad we're moving out because this has been my house for the past 20 years. Nak pegi everywhere semua dekat. Shopping malls, school, mamak stall, kopitiam, Mami's house, Kak Nina's house etc.

Anyway, teman Mama pegi tengok kitchen stuff. So far she likes the one yang kat ss18 because of the design and it's also reasonable price. After that we drop by Mami's house. I missed Amelia though I just saw her yesterday. That little niece of mine is growing more and more beautiful each day. I love playing with her. I'm a little bit disgusted with her droolings. Not only that, her hands also likes to wander. Hehehehe. If you know what I mean.

---

http://capturedbymilin.blogspot.com (I'm in love with her pictures. she captures the most beautiful mesmerizing pictures I've ever seen)

The way I see it, you can never be sure what someone has told you is the truth, unless you hear it from the horses mouth. Even then you can't always trust. You don’t know how many people the rumour has been through before it gets to you so you don’t know how many times the gossip has changed. Right now all I’m going to say is ....people aren’t always what they seem. Just because right in front of you someone seems kind and collected doesn’t mean that there like that behind closed doors. I should know.

What I did today :

- Send my cousin to the airport at 7am.
- Went to Kak Nina's house.
- Play with Amelia.
- Went to Sungai Buloh and bought a few things. She named her orchids after me. Pau-pau. Malu betul. Takde nama lain ke?
- After that we went to Kak Nina's house and relax a bit.
- I cut my hair again. hehehehehe :) actually trim jer.
- Picked up Mama at RHB. Had dinner at Parade. Hmm ..macam takde tempat lain. This week je dah berapa kali pegi!!

And now I'm finally at home. Okay, I'm off to dream land. Toodles.

I have been sad for the past couple of days. For silly reasons as always. I find that I can't really confide it with anyone.

Why?

Because they just don't care.

Earlier this morning I got a phone call from Azalea. She told me her sister just passed away. I'm not entirely sure how she died but from what I heard is because she couldn't breathe. It was so sad Azalea couldn't stop crying especially her mom. She got a bit hysterical after her daughter dikebumikan.

So ok, I'm going to take a nap now. I'll update more later.

I haven't been to Midvalley in a long time. So today my family and I (minus Ayah) went there. Mama wanted to see House Deco that was held at Exhibition Hall. Turns out she got the wrong date. All that was there was for people who wants to buy a house/property. We've seen most of the house though. I like the one that was in Taman Tasik Prima. Very beautiful and peaceful. But it was too far and jammed teruk.

After that we walk around then Mama announced she was hungry. I wanted to eat at Chilli's or Tony Romas. But Mama said she wants to try San Francisco Steak House because we've never try it before. The food was nice and the nachos were good. However the place is not exactly on my fav list.

We walked around some more then went to PJ to visit our relatives. By 8pm we arrived home and I was greeted by Ayah. I missed him. Haven't seen him in 4 days. Usually when he's at home I'd bother him by chatting non-stop until he got annoyed. Or nag him to take me out because I was so bored. But only if he agrees with my choice of place. Yup I'm such a demanding daughter. Huhu.

Alright, I'm off to bed now. Have to wake up early and buy groceries. Sheesh, boringnya sure ramai orang. Pfft.

I got nothing to do so I decided to post some pics from Amelia's aqiqah. Not from my camera by the way.

Meal of the day. Delicious :-D

Dear stupid hair,

Hey stupid hair how’s it going? Having a lot of fun, I presume? What with all the breaking out you've been doing. I mean really do you have to grow so much and out of control like some kind of virus? I know we haven't been the best of friends. And I've fought you tooth and nail everytime you decided it's time for another batch of dandruffs especially dalam keadaan kemarau skang ni. Lagilah kau nak tumbuh dengan begitu banyak sekali! I really thought I had it under control because you no longer appear on my freakin’ hair. You must be happy watching me go crazy. I've slapped on almost every product available out there in the market for dandruff control. God knows how many chemicals I've smothered you in. But you would always win. I remember this one time I wanted to scrape you off so bad with my fingernails and I didn't wanna go out of the house. It was very frustrating and you make me very self-conscious. You must’ve been laughing your head off with glee every single freakin’ time I broke down! Damn you stupid hair. I loathe you.

I know my sister is at home and she's online at the computer/study room. So I decided to kacau her. I called her using the house phone. And in 3, 2, 1 'ALIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA'. You see, I know for a fact that she gets really annoyed if I kacau her. Tak kira la prank calls or repeating the same song for half an hour or singing some lame ass songs. Anything. Sometimes when I get really bored I'll change her ringtone and phonebook. She'll get so pissed off, her nose jadi kembang kempis. It's hilarious.

I'm dead tired. Been out the whole day with Mama and Adik. The three of us went to IKEA and One Utama. It was packed and took me awhile to find parking. Anyway I had my first Swedish meatball ever. It was so delicious. Before this tak penah pun makan. Hehehehe.

My laptop just crashed. Because of those stupid viruses. Sial kau virus! Ayah is still trying to fix it. Luckily he's not mad ...just kena bebel je. Oh well dengar je la apa dia cakap ..as long as he fixed my laptop I'm good.

Ok I'm off to bed. Tomorrow Amelia is coming. Have to get up early. I missed my little niece.

I made Mama drive me to Subang Parade and I forced my sister to buy me my Gloria Jean's Crème Brulee. I just waited in the car. Hehehehe :P I'm addicted to it and have been since last year. I had to have it atleast once a week.

Anyway I had a very bad cramp last night. That's why I couldn't drive. I can feel my nerve all twisted up. I cried a little because it was so painful. I couldn't walk straight until now. Mama said I need calcium. Lots of it. She said I've been neglecting my health because of my final project. I still have a lot of work to do. I haven't finish my thesis yet. Only my Iklan bersiri. Damn.

It's 4.37am and everyone's asleep. Well except for me and my maid. I could hear her puking her guts out. Gross!! Is she pregnant? Hmmm .....

I got into a huge fight with my dad. He shouted at me and saying hurtful things. I didn’t even know I was making him angry. I mean REALLY angry. One minute he was fine and the next he turned into this big ugly monster.

When he left my room, my sister immediately came to me and hug me. After that, I didn’t even leave my room even when Mama came home. I usually greeted her and eat dinner with her. Basically spending time with her and telling her about my day and random stories.

Damn him for shouting at me. Damn him for making me cry. Damn him for his hurtful words. Damn him for his temper.


edited:

Okay, that was mean of me for damning him. After all he is my dad and my family. I let my anger control me. I'm sorry.

Ugh, now my head is pounding. My throat sore. My eyes all swollen and puffy.

Sometimes I get so weird ..I even freak myself out.

There are times where you don’t want to remember…and there are times where you want to remember things...

This was one of the times I wanted to remember WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED!!

How did we end up like this?

The main question is: Will we still be bestfriends? Will we be strangers? Faceless, nameless people with hearts of stone? Will we be together in the end of each year? Will we change completely for better or worse? Things change, people change, and people leave. They lie, and stab you in the back & disappoint you. They drop you like you weren't ever really important in the first place and hate you with as much love as you thought they used to have. They leave you and never look back.

Long overdue TAG

Here you go Hana!

--Tuliskan 10 perkara tentang orang yang TAG kamu--

--> Known as Nurul Hana Zakariah @ Hana @ Hana Banana @ Hanato
--> My bestfriend in college.
--> She got a sister who has the same name as me.
--> She's one of the most friendliest person I've met.
--> Loves to sing. Damn she can really sing her heart out. LoL :P
--> The girl has a talent in drawing. Ugh sangat jealous! hehe.
--> She hates a certain lecturer with passion!
--> Suka bergosip dengan makcik Odah a.k.a Aidad.
--> Her passion is photography and her Daden. LoL :P
--> A good listener.


--Masukkan emo yang kamu suka--

--> Emo? As in emotions that you feel? Hmm I love being happy (Like Duh. semua suka!). Giddy. Excited. Weird.


--Senaraikan novel kegemaran kamu--

--> Little Black Dress books.
--> My Bestfriend's Girl by Dorothy Koomson.
--> A Walk To Remember by Nicholas Sparks
--> Jemima J. by Jane Green
--> Clueless
--> Twilight by Stephenie Meyer


--Senaraikan 5 benda yang kamu sayang--
--> My purse
--> Laptop
--> My perfumes
--> Mobile phone
--> My precious books


--TAG 7 org dgn link di blognya--

--> Hana
--> Aidad
--> Fazril
--> Nana
--> Mashita
--> Whoever knows me.

My body's aching all over. Especially my arm. At first I didn't feel anything but when I woke up this morning, it hurts! I couldn't even lift my hand. I slept late last night. I've been out the whole day non stop. Then went to Mami's house. Had to help them move the furniture, make sure the door gifts are enough for 100+ guests etc.

This morning we arrived around 10+ because had to buy last minute stuff and ambik kuih kat USJ3. The marhaban thing starts at 11.15am. I mostly take the photographs and holding Amelia. She looked so adorable in her cute gown. After everyone had left, all of us lie down in the living room and sleep. Macam-macam bunyi ada. Tiup, snoring semua ada. LoL. By the time we went home it was already 7.30pm.

Now here I am. Kerja pun tak siap lagi. Mata still ngantuk. Mock up II is on thursday. Damn.
So many things to do. Arghhhh ....

I'm a worrier. A chronic worrier. I worry about everything and I think way too much. So this year(and many years to come) I need to cut down on unnecessary petty things so that I don't drive myself crazy.