One of the things that can take me away from reality is books. I practically drown myself in books. I let myself sink deep into them and live as the characters live. When I read books, I don't have to think about all the problems I have in life and all the pain and hurt I feel. I just think about the life of the character and how the main character always finds true love and always has a happily ever after. Of course I tell myself that its true that everyone has a happily ever after, everyone finds their own soul mates someday. But I know they don't. Not everyone finds there soul mate and not everyone has a happily ever after. My life is the perfect example of that. When I get sucked into a book my life is no more my life. I am the blond hair, blue eyed beauty, with the perfect long hair, the perfect sized chest and the long slender legs with a toned stomach. When I come out of my dream world, I hate the feeling of coming back to reality, to know that I am the girl that was ugly and still is, and I am the girl that was being called names because she was hideous. To know I will never have a perfect life, not that everyone's perfect or even a normal life, eats me up inside, the book finishes and I look at my reflection and see the dull black eyed dead black haired girl.

I still remember all those words they called me. Or how their faces looked like. All of those words cut really deep. I couldn’t help but believe them though. I mean who am I to say that loads of people are wrong and only one person which is me is right. It doesn’t work like that. After all I'm just a doormat. And a hideous one at that.


-- Forgive me for being so emotional. I just need to vent a little.