I feel lonely. Everything just feels stagnant now.

Dry. Distant.

Sometimes, it’s all together emotionless. It scares me because I can’t explain any of them.

I can hear my parents laughing downstairs with their friends. I wonder what were they talking about that got them laughing so loud.

I got to see my childhood friends last weekend. Best!! I haven't seen them in so long except Syaza. Makcik tu dah selalu sangat nampak. Oopss, dia tau nanti marah plak. Hahaha.

That old hag! She's infuriatingly rude. Fickle minded. Macam-macam la lagi!

She annoys the hell out of me! I feel like ...ughhh can I kick her ass?

Yesterday we had a mini open house. Mama invited our family from JB/Batu Pahat and a few neighbors to our house. My maid cooked nasi tomato. Yummy. Too bad tak berapa lalu nak makan. Just ate a little bit.

It was so much fun. I haven't seen them in so long. Even Kak Nina drop by. Yay, got to see Amy2. After everyone went home, everyone took a short nap except me. Then off to Syaza's house. Stayed there until 9.30pm. As usual I'm the driver but on the way back home I had to stop by the road. My migrain was getting worse. I could see black spots and I feel queasy. Not good. So Ayah took over. Gosh my migrain is getting worse ever since last week, masa demam hari tu. Everytime ingat dah baik, nanti mesti sakit balik. Now pun rasa sikit2. I don't want to depend on medicine forever! What should I do?

I have been sick since last Friday. Doctor said it was viral fever. Normally if I have a fever it will only last for two days tops. Mama has been laughing and teasing me non stop which annoy me to no end. She found it hilarious when I'm all sick and my body all aching. Macam mak nenek dia cakap! I swear Mama laughs at everything. And then she had the cheek to laugh at the doctor. Thank God he didn't realize it. Okay I admit, the doctor was kind of funny. When I saw him the first time I could see his two teeth poking out of his mouth. Then when he looks up, oh boy, his eyes juling! So you can see why Mama was laughing. Well snorting was more like it.

Anyway, I'm feeling much better now. Thank God.

This weekend I plan to go shopping but my schedule is full. I have two assignments due next week, two open house to go, and Ayah's side of the family is coming too. Haiihhss.

There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief and unspeakable love.

I will never be like you
I'll never do the things you do
Selfish and lonely, what's your problem
Letting go of you and this
Is harder than I thought but I will not be poisoned by your actions

Forgetting me, you took things in your hands and left me out
After we'd been through so much, how could you let me down?

I didn't know, I didn't know
I couldn't see, I couldn't see
Never thought you'd forget me
Couldn't believe, couldn't believe
How you deceived, you deceived
I never thought you'd do that to me

Forgetting me, you took things in your hands and left me out
After we'd been through so much, how could you let me down?
Down, you let me down.

My family. My Life.